Football

I have spent most of my life in England. By rights, this means I should be a football fan, however, for some reason I am not. I've spent hours and hours trying to like it; I've been to the pub with mates to scream at a TV screen with a bunch of scary strangers, I've tried to join in conversations about so-and-so's latest signing, or the controversial tackle from the night before, I've even been to matches to watch first hand....but still, nothing. I just don't get it.

What with 2012 being a year of change for me, I've decided to find a team to support and give football one last go.

I've decided to become a proper 'bloke'.

The first thing is to decide which team to follow. This is the shortlist with reasons:

Manchester City - the glory hunter's choice
Ipswich Town - near my childhood hometown
Norwich City - near my childhood hometown
QPR - nearest club to where I live and nearest to where I was born
Chelsea - close to where I live and close to where I was born
Fulham - close to where I live and close to where I was born

I discarded Manchester City immediately. No-one wants to be a glory hunter. Not a good look. I wouldn't get respect from other 'blokes'.
Ipswich Town was also discarded. I watched them play Aston Villa when I was a kid and it was unbelievably boring. Don't want to start this new project with bad memories.
Norwich stays. Good potential choice. Horrid kit colours though. Shouldn't worry about colours however, remember Jon, you are now a real man.
QPR stays. If, god forbid, I actually end up liking football, it's easy to get to matches.
Chelsea - they seem a bit twatty - can't be dealing with that. Chelsea goes.
Fulham - I used to live very near their ground and the fans used to piss me off most weeks. Bye bye Fulham.

So that leaves Norwich v QPR. After completing a bit of geeky analysis, it seems that Norwich have beaten QPR twice this season, plus are higher in the league table. I've always had a soft spot for an underdog, plus, as mentioned before, no-one likes a glory hunter.

Queens Park Rangers it is. I vow that I shall stick with my team through thick and thin, relegation and promotion. I will argue to the death that they are the best team in the world, even when results don't quite prove it. I will discuss and analyse new signings, changes in management and will partake in banterous conversations with other 'real men' about my club.

But first I should probably learn the off-side rule.